Talking Beavers and Agile Monkeys

18Apr08

Thanks for the title Tiff. 🙂

I know that all parents have things that their children enjoy that drive them crazy. When I was a kid, my parents hated the Smurfs. Mom and Dad were probably anti-Smurf because of the witchcraft (we were Southern Baptist). Or maybe it was because Gargamel’s cat was named Azrael (the Arabic name for The Death Angel – but again, we were Southern Baptists, so I doubt that was it). It could’ve been because of Vanity Smurf (remember him? The one with the pink flower in his hat?). Who knows… maybe it was that Smurfett whore who lived in the village as the sole woman among so many men. I mean, what kind of positive influence could that be for a young, impressionable girl?

Now that I have kids of my own I have joined the leagues of parents everywhere on a mission against a cartoon of some sort. Granted, my reasons are not nearly as arguable as my parents’ reasons to crusade against the little blue dwarfs in funny white hats, but I am halfway “up the wall” none the less.

I hate Dora the (freaking) Explorer. I’m sure that I’m not the only one who feels this way about the bilingual, singing, animated headache. Maybe I can Google the statistics on that! There’s got to be some anti-Dora sites out there somewhere. If not, I’ll be sure to start one.
Sure, she’s teaching my kids to speak another language that is extremely helpful in today’s highly diverse society. My son now screams out “rojo!” whenever we are approaching a red light, but that’s beside the point. The negatives of the show far surpass the positives any day!
First of all…. Where the crap are Dora’s parents? And why on earth do they let their daughter (who is what, maybe 6 or 7 years old) wander through the valleys and the spooky forests all day accompanied by only a monkey? What are we encouraging here? I’m just waiting for Canaan to open the front door of the house and tell me, “It’s OK, mom. I’ve got my backpack, flashlight and my talking map.” I don’t think so. I’m sure there are pedophiles in Mexico too! And these adventures she goes on! I don’t want my kids thinking that it’s acceptable to cross over any raging rivers laced with alligators or talking beavers no matter how agile their monkey escort is. BAD IDEA.

Don’t get me started on Swiper the Fox. Swiper, for those who aren’t privileged to hours of overexposure to Dora, is her nemesis. He’s the rabid carnivore that stalks Dora on all of her explorations stealing her stuff and trying to wreck her day. In the adult world, Swiper, is usually known as the IRS (sorry, bunny trail there). Anyhow… Dora’s response is always “Swiper! No Swiping!” Because that’s what my four year old needs to say when she encounters a FOX in the woods. Maybe “Swiper, no swiping your mangy fangs across my jugular!” would be more appropriate.

Anyhow… guess how I’m spending my afternoon? Yep Yep Yep (Because Dora repeats everything 3 TIMES)

There is an upside…. She’s not a talking purple dinosaur.

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