Let It All Go Down The Drain

24Oct08

In my house I have a big ass bathtub.  It is the sole reason I bought the place… Well, the bathtub and the built in wine rack under the kitchen cabinet.  However, the bathtub is BY FAR the best thing about my humble home.  Bathtubs come in all shapes and sizes.  Some have jets, some have waterfalls, and some have seats for more than one person.  Mine is a no-frills set up.  It’s just big and oval shaped and deeper than my water bill would like it to be, but in my eyes, it is PERFECT.

It has become my private sanctuary and it is the place I go when I need to block out reality for a while.  It is there that I don’t have to “be”.  I don’t have to be a mom, a widow, an employee, a computer nerd, a writer…  I just have to be still and quiet: two things that often elude me.  My bath has no agenda and exists only for my company when I desire to give it.  If only the rest of the world could be so simple.

My days are chaotic, even on the best of them.  My best friend tells me that she doesn’t see how I find time to know who I am anymore.  I am constantly going, visiting, working, playing, parenting or doing.  I’d rather stay busy, most of the time, than to be settled.  I’ll be honest; being alone is difficult for me.  Being alone means having to spend time with a person that I feel needs a lot of work.  I begin to realize a lot about the woman I am that needs to change, improve and be perfected.  However, it is healthy to have these moments, otherwise you quickly become shallow and distant and fake.  I never want to be fake.

So as each day draws to a close, I will run a bath.  I will choose solitude over socializing and I will find me again.  And maybe someday I will uncover a more perfected version of myself.

Until then I will relax, have a glass of wine, feel my toes get pruney and let all the day’s troubles go down the drain.

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