What Would Your Ex Say About You?


Many years ago I had a crush on a delivery guy at my office. Do you remember the old Diet Coke commercials with the women who would line up and wait for the construction guy next door to go on his Diet Coke break? That was me and the Delivery Guy. I waited by the window almost every day for an entire summer for him to drop off packages, none of which were ever for me. Our receptionist at the time, a very bold and cunning woman slipped him my phone number one day without my permission. He called that very same night and asked me out on a date. I was mortified and insanely grateful all at the same time.

We went out three or four times and on our last date I went to his house where he cooked me dinner. Up until that night I really thought he was a great guy and then he started talking about his ex. He had been previously married and divorced twice. I’m not against dating divorcees but then he went on to tell me about the breakup of his second marriage. I’m not sure of all the details and of course I only got his side of the story, but something went horribly wrong and she pulled a gun on him. She pulled a gun on him.


Who does that? I hadn’t ever been married when I met him, but I have been married since and as much as my husband would drive me bonkers from time to time I could never imagine actually, seriously, wanting to kill him. Of course Delivery Guy told me that she was a whack job. Apparently, but still he must’ve found her sane enough to be his wife at some point. What pushed this woman over the edge? I immediately thought to myself that maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to have and “ex interview process” before moving forward with this guy. As if potentially applying for wife number THREE of a man who was barely thirty wasn’t a QUESTION MARK enough.

Needless to say, the relationship didn’t go anywhere. I wish him the best of luck wherever he is.

I wonder today what my exes would say about me if interviewed. Granted, I’ve never pulled a gun on anyone but I know I haven’t always been the trophy girlfriend or wife either. A few things come to mind as I ponder this. First and foremost, “Life is never boring with Elicia.” Hopefully, “the girl can take care of herself,” is also somewhere on the list followed closely by “she makes killer lasagna.” I know there’s a few others that are a little less flattering, like “She’s a flight risk” and “Once she’s made up her mind that it’s over, ITS OVER.” All in all I think I would have a decent report card with them, even the ones that I hurt. Four of them I still consider dear friends and in some of those situations it’s a MIRACLE.

What would your ex say about you?

For all you youngsters that missed out on the Diet Coke break and for all you lovely ladies that would like to revisit it…


One Response to “What Would Your Ex Say About You?”

  1. I know some things my ex’s would say about be. For the better remarks, you’d probably hear something like “He’s extremely polite and caring, more than just about anyone else I’ve met”. On the not so pretty side of things “there are times he gets excited over joking about things, and slips a remark out that is rather insulting, without realizing it.”

    Nah, i know there are plenty more than that, but that’s all I can think off of the top of my head. haha! Yet, I have noticed, that it actually varies from relationship to relationship with me.

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