Don’t Date The Mommy!!!

01Dec08

Not too long ago I almost spat in the face of an anorexic, blonde wench that lived next door to me. I don’t remember what exactly she said that nearly sent my hand flying at her face, but it was something to the effect of, “I hope you find someone that will marry you, since you have kids and all.”

Excuse me?

Granted, just by the sight of this poor girl, it is OBVIOUS that she has severe self-worth problems and for that reason alone did I shove my devil horns back down and tuck in my tail. Not surprisingly, her mouth isn’t the only one that has spouted off similar statements to me in the past couple of months. Even Messaging-Turrets guy told me I’d be better off to go find some divorcee who already has a couple of kids!

Let’s be clear about one thing before I go any further. I believe in the institution of the family, that husbands should love their wives, wives should love their husbands and together they should love and raise their children. By God’s great design this is the way it should be in a perfect world. However, if you think we are living in a perfect world I need to get on whatever meds you are taking. The fact is that bad things happen. Divorce happens. Death happens. Innocent children are often left with only one parent holding the responsibility for their upbringing and while it’s not FAIR, it’s reality. Since when has reality ever been fair?


Mom & Dad have been married for nearly 44 years!

Now that you understand how I feel about how life SHOULD be, I want it to be known that I refuse to “daddy shop” for my children. My husband was simply an irreplaceable father. He loved our children more than his career, more than his hobbies and much more than he loved himself. He left incredibly big shoes to fill. I believe that God saw it long before we all did that his time on earth with us would be cut short. I also believe that God prepared us accordingly. Both of my children have wonderful grandfathers and several very close male father-type figures in their lives and for that I am truly grateful.

I want to tread lightly on this subject because I do not want to come off as sounding judgmental. I know firsthand how difficult it is to be a single mom and how there are just days where you feel absolutely cheated because you don’t have their father to share the load with. If you don’t think I have those days, go read Free To A Good Home and get back to me. I often wonder what’s worse though: A kid with one fully devoted and loving parent or a kid with two parents that are too distracted by working on staying together to be able to give the child the attention it needs and deserves. Kinda sounds retarded when you put it like that, doesn’t it?

And what REALLY infuriates me is the mindset that some people have that single mothers are just going to have to settle for what they can get. BS

It will be a long time before I find myself committed again. I know how hard marriage is even when it’s good and I have no rush to go back to that anytime soon. I do know this; if I ever choose to be married again it will not be because I need a savior, a “baby daddy” or someone to take pity on this poor single mom. It will be because that man simply rocks my face off and I can’t imagine MY life without him. If I ever do find that man, it won’t matter that I have kids. The pieces will fall into place.

On a final note I do have to acknowledge some really admirable people out there. Being a step-parent or an adoptive-parent is an enormous responsibility and I have NOTHING BUT RESPECT for anyone that chooses to love someone else’s child as their own. Sometimes, I have to remind myself that I love my kids and they are my own! LOL. (If you’re judging me right now, you don’t have kids.) If you are a step/adoptive parent reading this, I take my hat off to you. Thank you for being selfless enough to make a difference in a child’s life.

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