Pee-Pee Paranoia

06Aug09

will3Nothing in this world is more frightening than the possibility that there is something wrong with your child.  Fortunately, other than ear infections that would level grown men, my kids have always been perfectly healthy.  Next week my son has an appointment at Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital to see a specialist about his eyes.  For the first time I am faced with the possibility of our perfect health track record being tarnished. 

For the past few months Will’s left eye has been wandering and turning inward.  The doctors assure me there is nothing to worry about, that it will most likely be corrected by patching one eye to strengthen the other.  However, a mama can’t help but freak out just a little.

Say a prayer for my kid if you think of it.

In the meantime, Will has medical worries of his own.  Lately, he has become overly obsessed with his penis, clutching it like a security blanket at home, at the grocery store, at church…

Like all boys, Will is particularly fond of his manhood.  I remember well the day he first discovered it.  He marched down the hallway into the living room wearing nothing but a pair of green frog rain boots and his Davy Crocket coon-skin hat.  He thrust his pelvis forward, pointing downward and announced, “Hey Mom!  Check out my pee-pee!”  It was a proud moment.

Since that day, he has developed some type of pee-pee paranoia.  As a result, I am developing a case of pee-pee humiliation.

Last week, Canaan was “helping” me prepare supper and Will was marching in the kitchen.  As usual, his hand was firmly clasped over his crotch. 

“Will, do you need to go potty?” I asked looking up from the casserole before me.

He froze with his free hand out in front of him, glancing suspiciously around the room like some sort of spy.  “No,” he answered is raspy whisper.

“Then stop holding your pee-pee,” I said.

“I have to protect it,” he said still in spy-stance.  “There’s a bee in the house.”

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17 Responses to “Pee-Pee Paranoia”

  1. 1 Leigh Cabe Beddingfield

    I love it! My younger boys do the same thing! I don’t have bees in my house though, just birds! LOL!!!!

  2. Milk came out my nose. I should know better than to read your blogs eating cereal! LOL.

    You think he’s fascinated with it now? When he hits his teens, your water bill is going to go up, or he’s going to start losing socks. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Oh, you’re evil.

    -ere’bodee’s favorite mega, blogninja

  3. 5 Chuck

    If he doesn’t lose the socks, they will at least be crumpled up in tight balls at the bottom of the hamper. If Will wants to hold his junk, let him. Until he starts making puppets with it and singing songs about it.

  4. 9 april

    I love this! My son does the same thing and unfortunately, it doesn’t stop.

    Hope the check ups go well!

    • 10 eL.

      GREAT…. doesn’t stop. GREAT.

      Thanks for the well-wishes. I’ll let you guys know.

  5. OMG.

    If my son weren’t nearly an adult I would be ALL OVER this!!! All I can say is I agree with Tango about the water bill… Ooooo, you just wait. We used to completely TURN OFF THE HOT WATER and it still couldn’t stop the joyride goin’ on. OK, too much info. *sorry* (eyes darting around)

    Anyway, it never stops, it only progresses. He’s a baby man.

    • 12 eL.

      I’m royally mortified. I mean, yeah I get it that boys will be boys and all that… but oh I don’t want to think about my son…. ohhh…

  6. 13 Susan

    So Tango, is that why my water bill has gone down? I thought they just lowered rates.lol I think boys are just born with that annoying (to females) trait. Gotta love him…I miss you guys.

  7. 16 Ashley

    Hilarious! They do start early, don’t they? Yup, lots of sheet washing in your future girly…tee hee. Bees? BWHAHAHAHAHHAHA!


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